Hi, I'm Dan As is typical in so many stories I’ve heard, my introduction to sex and porn started when I was very young. One memory I have is from when I was about 10 to 12 years old. I lived near the county fairgrounds and I walked and played there quite often. One hot summer day I walked into an enclosed horse barn about the size of a garage. All enclosed except on one end. There on the right wall was several Playboy centerfolds. Wow, I thought I had hit the jackpot. This probably wasn’t my first encounter with porn but, it is very clear in my memory. I took most of those centerfolds home and enjoyed them for a long time. Little did I know what that prepared me for in my future life.
In those days there was no internet or cell phones, but there were ads, books, magazines and mini skirts. There were many other incidents in those years, but to move on, when I took my first job I had a room in a house with two other guys that worked where I worked. I had my first car. This was the first time I had been away from home. I got into the habit of buying magazines which continued to grow my addiction. One thing led to another and things escalated over the years. I got married and had a child, thinking as most men think that marriage would solve my addiction, but it doesn’t. It was on and off through the years but always still there. When the opportunity was there, I couldn’t seem to help myself. At one point late in my life, I had to change jobs and move to another state. My wife wasn’t ready to move right away and we didn’t find a house we liked for three years. Well, I rented an apartment and traveled home every weekend. I had my computer in the apartment so I could Skype my wife every night. Well, the temptation was too great with every evening on my own, so I got heavy into the internet porn for those three years. I thought nobody was around, it won’t hurt anyone, right? Wrong, it almost ruined my marriage. I always wanted to be honest with my wife, so if she asked me a question, I would give her the truth. We were walking one day and she asked me something, I don’t remember just how she phrased it, but I told her about the three years in the apartment. I crushed her so bad that I never did regain her trust again, no matter how hard I tried. Today looking back on it, I didn’t try that hard because I was still hooked on porn. Several years later when my wife was diagnosed with stage IV cancer, I was still leaning on the porn up until two weeks before she died. In those last two weeks of her life, I read two books. Now you need to know I was not much of a reader, so that was a lot of reading for me. The second book I read was “Every Man’s Battle” by Steve Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. My wife had bought the book for me a few years before and I never read it. While she laid in her hospital bed there in our living room with only her breathing and heart beat as signs of life, I had time to sit and read, watching her life leaving her and me. By Wednesday of that last week before she died, I had read to about the middle of the book where the practical steps to win the battle were given. Life as I knew it changed that night as God did a miracle in my life. An amazing change took place as I instantly saw women differently. The first sign of change was the next night when I was watching pairs Olympic skating with my son. I immediately noticed I was watching the woman only and recognized it was wrong. I didn’t know what to do as my son wasn’t there often and I wanted to be with him. So, I thought I’d focus on the man. Wow, it worked as I could watch and not feel like I was checking out every curve on the woman. This was one of the tools given in “Every Man’s Battle”, to pay attention to what you are looking at and turn away when it’s inappropriate. I thanked God over and over and felt He must have a plan for my future. I prayed for a chance to have a marriage as He planned it to be without porn. Now, He has blessed my life so much with a woman who knew what I came through and yet she loves me. She knows what God has done in my life. Now we are married and live an unbelievable life, now in our 70’s. God is amazing and He can change your life if you let Him. I thank God everyday for changing my life overnight like He did, but I know not everyone has that happen. Men take years to get into the porn habit and it will usually not be solved overnight. You need to be sick of your porn life to get started on the road to recovery. If you have questions, are looking for an accountability partner or are wanting to help others to be successful over porn, be sure to go to the Contact page and we will be glad to work together to win the battle for purity. Home -- About -- Resources -- Contact |